New year resolutions

A conversation the other day reminded me of how I was; a sarcastic person, who is very capable of hurting someone, for very good reasons maybe but still, I was capable of making the irreversible damage. a couple of years, I've decided that it was not right, people screw up all the time, i do swell and who am I to judge; hence I decided to change that, be nice, get along with people and forgive their small offences, it works to a certain limit, but it's progressing.


Like always I want to drop my stomach fat, and hoping that I will succeed eating more.

I decided to beat my fears (2-3) and I managed one so far.

No regrets as well, no looking back, if I am smart enough, I'd learn my lessons and move on.

I am not that young, but I am still young, and I want to make the most of my life, so no time to waste as always, which is very relevant,  I used to run, get things done, do it all fast, I drop some details but I didn't care and today, maybe because I am getting older, I decided to take a sense of slowing down and enjoy the taste of every moment, let time drop as long as it's fulfilling. The thing is you need to learn how to make the moments that count last longer, making small memoirs, that tells you how much you have enjoyed the life you had, how capable you were of putting your gifts into use.

You can be joy with small classy gestures, you can be joy when you only remember your dead family and friends with a good smile…

Travelling and learning different languages,  embracing new cultures, connecting the dots, a near and dear hobby, that I started to pick beyond my love for natural physics and my belief they apply to all sorts of matter including me and you. Meeting people by coincidence, being friendly but also listening carefully; that way you easily acquire different tastes and experiences. It all helps to enlarge the spectrum of different sorts, colours and shapes you can absorb and reflect.

We don't need to wait for new year's eve to make new resolutions, the thing is you'll never really keep your promises after a 5 minutes thought, but it's a good chance to think, contemplate on where you were and where you really want to be in your life, it's not career oriented, it's just a decision on how to make your life meaningful.

Happy New Year!

ضهرية على البحر...

March 31, 2013
 

لقيتهم مايلين على مية بين الصخور

ماسكين خيط بخطاف مستنيين

يمكن تمسك فى كابوريا و لا جمبرى

فكرت فى اولاد زيهم كتير

كل ساعة فى اشارة بعيون جعانة

طالبين جنيه او انك تشترى مناديل

و نسيت للحظة ان ليهم نفس المصير

ساعة ضهرية مفهاش غير تلات أطفال

بفطرتهم طالعين نازلين يلعبوا صيادين

قعدت جنبهم اشاركهم لحظات براءة

و فكرت فى اولاد المدارس المتعلمين

اللى مبيلحقوش يخلصوا من دروسهم

و الوقت يا مّزاكرة يا نايمين

لعبهم بقى فيها حكاوى مش ليهم

و المشكلة جاية من اهاليهم

ساعة ضهرية فكرت ليه ده عيل طفشان

اخد قراره بايده و ساب البيت

بيشوف موت و مرار و برد و جوع

بيفكر فى وقت راحته فى جمبرية بتلعب

و امتى يوم شغله يبدأ

لكن عايش  و بيمارس حرية

فكرت برغم انها صعبة

ليه اولاد يطفشوا من جمعيات

عشان يرجعوا شارع مفهوش رحمة و لا حنية

و اتارى مش دول بس اللى شايلين الهم

و فكرت ايه العمل؟؟ فين الأمل؟؟

مديت ايدى لرمضان اطلعه من بين صخرتين

صعبت عليه الجمبرية اكمنها لسه صغيرة

قال يرجعها المية عشان حرام

قلبه كبير رمضان و ابتسامته طيبة

قلتلهم  تعالو ا نغير  المكان

فطينا و نطينا و يمين و شمال جرينا

و بالوقت ده اكتفينا

رجعوا للشغل تانى و اشتريت انا المناديل

قسمت سندويتشى و انا بتفرج عال منيكير

اديتها منه و انا بفكر فى كتير

معرفتش ايه العمل غير اللى عليه اقدر

الولد و البنت عيال نزلوا الشارع غصب او قرار

هربوا من ذل و ظلم او اجبار

كل واحد لسه جواه انسان

اوعى و انت مش فاهم تقتله

مدله ايدك لحد ما تقدر

يمكن يطلع اخوك او ابنك

حقوقه الطبيعية

حبة حنية

و يفضل انسان

Count your blessings

December 27, 2012 

It's the season for blessings no doubt, I can't forget how blessed I was during many past hard times, I felt abandoned at times, and felt out of this world at other times, the truth is that I might be a little out of this world but never abandoned. I've always known I am the one responsible for my own happiness, I've always tried to be so, and spread it to the people around. It felt like my ultimate job in the universe. I lost my way a little at some point...We all do get off track sometimes, don't we??

The more I look at my mom, and the more I get to know her, the more I realize how amazing she was and still is. She was daddy's eldest girl, married to a guy that was very kind but without many ambitions, part time dentist, but priority goes to fishing, I didn't know him but he seemed cool to me, seemed alive. And then he died and she had to go completely out of her comfort zone to raise us and ensure we are having a good life, and that we are able to get all the chances to learn and grow and be happy. That took a lot of courage, her choices, to be independent and go through the battles of everyday on her own.

In February 2012, I was encouraged to get a dog, at first I wanted a small one, but then I met Vodka and that was it, a warm furry golden retriever that kept growing and growing and growing, and now I can't have it without her, I know she will much a much shorter live than my liking, but I donno how long I am going to live either. I've always wanted a dog and Mom wouldn't let me, but once more she gets out of her comfort zone and accept Vodka, the big puppy we have at home now, and that made me so proud because she's the main care giver now.

Now I've a family and friends, whom I love and I know they love me regardless if whatever they do is enough at times or not, they are so different, they are so scattered that sometimes it feels they don't exist. But they are there, some helped me through, and had some disappointments as well, I were to some that to, both a help and a disappointment, who am I to judge?   This past week they've been all over, partying, going out together, bumping into each other by chance...And I enjoyed every bit of it, some I still deeply miss, some I can meet at some point and some left our world for good.

I've my work, it's not always going the way I'd like, it's exhausting most of the time, but rewarding all the same. I've a nice team, a team I am able to care and work for, regardless of what their capabilities are, I've always had that, a small team, to give me motivation, worst case those are the ones I'd work for, but I was also blessed to love what I do, even what I thought I'd hate, and hated actually. It's just a job at the end of the day, it's important, and I've to do my best, but some things have to come first. I learned that and won a few battles...Not to mention I met great people there as well, some of them are very near and dear :)

I live in Cairo for work which is not the most convenient thing at all, always looking for a better room, but I managed to meet a lot of people, some were awesome and some well, were a lesson...I am learning guitar there now, I hope to meet more people there, it's not so bad really!

Life is good, it gets worse and better altogether all the time. Just be happy, it's not that there is something to be happy about, it's a decision you need to make, it's the only thing that can get you off trouble. Be happy, the world is big out there, a lot to discover. Like a dog, wandering about in the woods, or a jungle monkey. I only have one more wish, I want a monkey or another dog :D

The country is not stable, I donno how it's going to be today or tomorrow, I am not afraid though, because I've never been and I'll never be on my own. Regardless it means that I need to be more cheerful, and happy, cause the world can't handle more stressed out people.

Note: " I only tagged few, cause this is how many am allowed to"

Taken by Shamshoun el gabbar!

Angels and Demons

April 17, 2010

There's always the delusion that people are either angels or demons, in the way we perceive them at first, the way they turn from white to black and never from black to white, the way things are never gray, the way we never forget and pretend to forgive...The way we run around in circles of avoidance, the way we pretend to be okay with demons but we are not, we just like having them around to show off, to have someone that we can drag down with guilt to prove are are as innocent as newborns, and as forgiving as none of the saints has been. There's the need to classify people and define their shapes, put them in cases on the shelves, one for going out, one for sharing secrets, one for gossips...We always have a way to degrade ourselves and others around us. The beauty lying beyond all of this is when one of those rare moments prevails, when we can actually become human again and just be, because we are!

فصلان

February 4, 2011

شىء غريب الفراق على أو تعبه على قد حزنه أو فرحه أو حتى نضجه, على قد كل تناقضاته أو احساسه , احساس مقبوض بطعم اللذة...حنين بطعم الرغبة...كل شىء جديد و كل شىء حر. حاجة غريبة انك لما تفارق ناسك شىء جديد جواك بينفجر, شىء كان مكبوت محبوس و مستنى تفرج عنه, ناس جديدة مكنتش عمرك شفتها و حاجات جديدة مكنتش حتى بتحلم تدوقها

من 10 سنين مكنتش أعرف كل ده, كنت أعرف مرارة و حزن على شوق و حنين و قلة حيلة. النهاردة جديد, النهاردة حرية, النهاردة...كل شىء حلو. لكن نفسك فى حد يعرفك و يعرف قديمك ...يعرف اللى جواك من زمان لحد ماتكتشف انه مكنش عمره عارفك و لا حس بيك لانه مشافش و معاشش حاجاتك و حتى لو

يفضل الحب و الذكريات, على شط و رملة ناعمة بتلزق و متقدرش تطلعها من جلدك, ريحة صعب نسيانها و العيش بدونها. لكن انت مش مسافر همه اللى ماشيين و مش راجعين, صعب الرحيل لكن الأربطة مسيرها بتتقطع و تفضل ذكرى يوم و أيام. يا تزعل عليه يا تفرح و تقوم تنفض التراب و تعيش حريتك

أنا هعيش لانى مبقيتش أعرّف نفسى بالثوابت, أنا بنت ملك بس مش فى لبس أميرة, حياتى رايحة و جاية, و خبرتى تتملى زى المحيط و الناس بتعدى علي أو أنا بعدى عليهم زى الريح و أفضل بنت ملك مبتقهرش و مبتكسرش. الموج مصاحبنى و "الشتا" بيدفينى و الرياح تطلقنى و لا حاجة تقيدنى

Lost Souls

I was free, a little careless maybe but happy. The faith I had was larger than oceans at that point in time. And it pained her a lot, she always worried about me but I never gave in. Eventually she caught on it,and I went to bed with a bright smile. Freedom is a pain sometimes, but completely worth it, I know I can can get confused in life but never lost.
The lost souls are everywhere, they identify themselves with somebody else's misery. They are always accompanied by an air of arrogance blended with layers of spite and mistrust, pity that they always knew better mixed with a tendency towards self-destruction. It feels like they have no out, they wiggle their way to the surface but they don't make it, not all of them anyway.
It's a mutane world, cruel and lonely. That's why they gather like ants, sharing their bread and bed, holding hands. Wanting just one chance, to make their comeback, find their ally and change the face of the earth. The moment they break free, is the moment of truth!

Ramadan gana

Season Greetings

Happy Eid, Hanukkah...
Merry Christmas &
A Happy new year.
Whatever you may celebrate for, cherish the moment and have fun.

Have a break...

Have
a
dark
kit kat!!

Nostalgie of a distant memorie ...